It has been three years. Three sorrowful years without you. Three years without your touch, your kiss, your love. I still remember the day we met like it was yesterday. The way you held my shoulder, reassuring me that failure is temporary and if I push myself harder I would be able to pass my anatomy and pass it well. No one had ever spoken to me like that. Like I was an actual person with a name and a voice not just a figure head occupying space in this school. No one had ever spoken to me like that, like I mattered.
I remember our first date. Nervous doesn’t even cut it. I didn’t know what to wear, how to act, what to say. I had no tips because I had no friends. It came with the whole OCD thing, you see. I guess no one likes to be around a girl who washes her hands repeatedly, counts things and checks to see if a door is locked repeatedly before she can have peace of mind. With you it was different. I was calm, I was myself. I didn’t know how I survived earlier without you. It was like I had been holding my breath for years until I met you. The tightness in my chest was gone the first time you said my name.
I remember our first kiss. It wasn’t just good because you are a good kisser, it was right, it was perfect. I had never felt this way before. You never think someone can complete you, can fit right into your life. You never think you will meet someone that can complement you, keep your head straight and your heart right. Ours was a 1 Corinthians type of love. A love in spite of and not because. It was pure and wonderful. Awesome and beautiful. These adjectives are not enough to describe our love.
I remember our long talks. Those memories I treasure the most. I learnt so many new things from you every time. Your level of wisdom was impossible to believe. Your pieces of advice were valuable to my life. You were my boyfriend, best friend, lover and confidant. I remember every curve, every crevice, every scar.I remember the scar on your forehead caused by your head making contact with the side of your bed because you thought you were superman, the one on your right leg caused because your primary two teacher, Mrs Ngozi finished her cane on your leg, the one on your left hand caused during the motor accident you were in with your family when you turned 15.
I remember when you said you were not feeling us anymore. I sat there confused for 15 minutes. I thought we were on the same page, I thought we were perfect. I never thought you would up and leave me. There is an imbalance in my life Nkem, a shift caused because you have decided that I am no longer enough for you and this is not good for my condition. Every time I see you with her during our cardiology rounds, my chest gets tighter, my heart accelerates. This was not what you promised me. Now, my perfect life is ruined. The pieces of my puzzle are scattered and even if I try to rearrange it, it’s not going to be complete. You were my soulmate afterall.