This Lagos is a tiring place. It’s filled with so many shapes and sizes of people. Take this my face me I slap you apartment for example. We share a bathroom and a kitchen. How I haven’t contracted some air borne, fluid transmitted disease can only be God. If mama Chioma is not beating her daughter and calling her so many downgrading names, Belema is wearing her skimpy clothes, gyrating her hips and being picked up by different men in different cars. Sister Sandra spends endless hours binding and casting and attending various ‘Get your man now’ and ‘The devil is holding your husband. Pray for his release now!!!!!!’ singles’ prayer conferences, Mr and Mrs Dipo spend the entire day gossiping about the rest of us in the apartment complex and begging for food from whomever is cooking that day.

Having a job is one of the worst things that can happen to a young man in Lagos. If your mother is not asking you for money for her upkeep, your girlfriend is. Talking about girlfriends, hardship really brings out the worst in them. I thought Tunike was the one for me. I mean she was beautiful, smart and very sexy. Plus her Egusi game is on major form. Her egusi is the type that will make you sell your birthright and your kidneys if possible but there’s so much that a Lagos girl can take. Especially when she is sought after and has decided to stay with a lowlife like me. I’ve been pretending I don’t know she’s lying about her whereabouts when I call her. I’m going to pretend that it was not General Sanje that bought that iPhone that she is parading about as we both know that her father didn’t buy it for her and I certainly did not.

No matter how much I complain, I can’t leave Lagos. Lagos is the only place where you can violate traffic rules and cross the road where you aren’t supposed to and the police will cross with you saying what you have done is wrong like they didn’t just commit the same offence. It’s the only place where ‘Nepa’ will refuse to come through and we cannot open the windows for breeze because mosquitoes the sizes of human fists will come and do house fellowship with us. It’s the only place where people are on the streets as early as 4 a.m because they do not want traffic to meet them on the road. It’s the only place with so much struggle yet so much happiness. It’s one city where Friday nights are sacred. It’s a city of endless opportunities.

No more articles