It’s 2016. The Naira is plummeting and Buhari is making us take it in the buttocks but Lagos will smile through the pain. Clubs are filled with people spending as much as 5ook on drinks on Fridays and churches are decorated purple and pink for weddings on Saturdays.

I love weddings but it is a chore. A tedious, tedious chore. From the time the girl is proposed to, she goes into full David Lynch mode, directing and planning. Drawing out and mapping. Every girl deserves a perfect wedding, recession or not and she’s going to do everything to bring all her plans to fruition but Lagos brides take it to a whole new level.

The hunt for asoebi is serious and the price the friends and well wishers have to pay for it can be outrageous seeing as it won’t be worn after that day and let’s not talk about the sisters that are always part of bridal trains and now have a separate part of their wardrobe for asoebi that will never be worn again.

There’s also the struggle to find the best photographer in Lagos to take your pre-engagement pictures and the quest to find a perfect location for these pictures to be taken.

There has been stories of couples who traveled to London and Paris just to take pre-engagement pictures to be put on BellaNaija Weddings.

The national treasure that is BellaNaija weddings is another story entirely. Twitter was a buzz a certain day when a man was featured on their Instagram page twice in a year after getting married to two different women and let’s not talk about some of the wedding gowns and bridesmaids’ dresses they display which are enough to make a sister drool.

There’s also the issue of getting a huge hall for the reception like it’s a Coldplay concert. This is because every member of the family has to come with their own guests along with their different style and color of asoebi.

I remember the look of horror on my aunt’s face when I told her I wanted an outdoor wedding and the reception will just be my friends and I. “Ah that’s not possible o. You are the first child in the family. We have to shut down Lagos when you are getting married.”

To be honest, I’m mostly there for the small chops. Yes I wish you guys all the best that marriage has to offer and that dress is mildly revealing and one of your bridesmaids has been eyeing you all through the turn up and there’s no one picking the dollars being sprayed on the floor and some aunties are hiding their food and lying to the caterers that they’ve not been served but I’m here for the small chops and I’m fast losing my patience. Where in God’s name are the small chops?

What exactly do you look for at weddings? Small chops like Aunty Ego or a Significant Other or otherwise? Do tell us.

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