I wish this was my mantra from a young age, I had always seen my differences as embarrassing. Yeah but allow me blame everyone but myself for a moment.
I would say I had things happen as a child that made me rethink my self worth. Growing up it wasnt even easy ‘being normal’ if that is the right phrase.
Primary School, I let my self esteem wash away with the abuse. My sense of entitlement crumpled in the disrespect of the situation. My love for humanity drained by that one- or two and more selfish acts. And the secrecy of it all holding me captive.
The hate in my heart moved me farther and farther away from what is called life. The death of my soul seeming to go unnoticed by everyone but me. My fears coming back to hunt me just when I thought I caught a glimpse of freedom. What were friends because I let my trust burn in this fire that was unfair. Then I knew I was broken.
High school, I let it all go, not all but more than I ever thought I could. I let people in and tried to make the most of what was left of my broken pieces. And yet still carrying this tale I swore not to tell.
I moved schools and was forced to leave my comfort zone. The friends I knew, the familiarity that was everything, to where I had no clue and once again I was cornered and back to square one. I seemed to be doing everything wrong. I seemed to be fitting in wrong. My self esteem issues came back in a snap because everyone seemed to think I wasn’t fitting in right.
College and I still suffered from this ignorance and self shame. It didnt help that I had friends who were walking dictionaries or so they thought. Who picked at every word I said not as if they knew better, at least not for the most part. The only difference between I and them was that they were confident in their ‘lack of knowledge’.
Let me stop here. Everyone is flawed. We all know this but we all find it hard to come to terms with it because in our heads, our flaws are worse than the next persons’. Granted they’re different, but theyre flaws still and they make us unique. Traumas might hunt us but if you find Grace the way I did, then your horror tale might be God’s way of using you to inspire the World.
I am flawed. Heavily flawed. But I am confident in my flaws and they make me who I am.