**This post was written in the easter period. Enjoy.
How’s your week going? I hope you all enjoyed the Easter festivities cuz’ I know I did. And by ‘enjoy’, I mean I spent the entire weekend eating (amazing food by the way) and watching movies. I need to start making money off being a couch potato ASAP!
Banter aside, I went to the cinema to see Batman vs Superman which was way better than the reviews in my opinion and that, my friends, was when this post was birthed. So I’m going to be taking you through a list of the different types of people you come across at the movies. Brace yourselves.
The Loud Mouths
These are the ones who chew the loudest, laugh the hardest, and think it’s only right to pass a comment every time the lead actor coughs. Let’s not even BEGIN with the ones who are constantly receiving or making calls. What’s worse is that usually, when you try to ask them to be quiet, you’ll hear things like ‘abeg abeg abeg’ or ‘don’t give me that’ or ‘didn’t I pay for my ticket?’ – sorry sir
The Sleeping Not-So-Beauty
Where do I even begin? These set of people are usually snoring somewhere behind you for the entire length of the movie with the occasional snorts from time to time. Please aunty/uncle if you want to sleep, sleep at home. Don’t come and give us additional background music. We don’t want. Thank you.
Now this person knows for a fact that they have a cold, but rather than staying home to nurse themselves back to health, they’ll come to the cinema, pocket tissues in hand, bearing an arsenal of sneezes, coughs, nose blows and the risk of infecting the people who came with the intention of catching a movie, not a cold.
Brethren, these are the most indecisive set of people you will come across at the movies. They simply can not sit in one place for 7 minutes straight without having to pee, buy popcorn, pee again, make a call, buy water, bring in a friend who lost their way looking for the theatre, pee yet again or just to receive ‘fresh air’. They’re constantly on the move and they’re the ones you can catch whispering ‘excuse me’ and/or ‘sorry i want to pass’ up to 39 times during one movie. My friend, sit in one place or go to the park if you want to walk around so bad.
The What, Who, Why, Where and When Guys
If you’re unfortunate enough to sit beside one of these guys during a movie, half the time they’ll be tugging on your sleeve or tapping you to ask you what’s happening or who died. No, they don’t care that you’re probably just watching the movie for the first time yourself. They just want to know why the lady in the yellow dress is kissing her husband’s brother.
The 4 in 1’s
These set of people actually think that the screening hall is their living room. They paid for one ticket, but best believe they’ll have their feet up on the seat in front of them, their bags on the seat to their right, and their jacket/coat on the seat to their left. Oh, and don’t you dare ask them to put their bags on the floor because the bags have feelings too.
The Love Dolphins
Yes, I just said dolphins. This couple will make out for 79 minutes out of a 103 minute movie with all caution thrown to the wind. Contrary to what you may have initially thought, they aren’t actually there to see the movie. They just can’t keep their hands off each other and desperately needed a place to indulge themselves so they picked the cinema. After all it’s dark in there and no one will know. Or so they think.
Ever heard someone complain so much, you wanted to rip out your own ears? Well this is that person. In case you didn’t notice, they’ll have you know that there’s something wrong with everything. It’s either the movie is too loud, the seats are too low, the popcorn isn’t salty enough, the movie isn’t any good or the earth is generally revolving too fast.
This person is here for business. They don’t care that the good guy is bleeding out or that the bad guys are about to get away. They have simply come to record the movie on camera so that they can resell it and get their own share of the box office cake. Simply put, they’re not there to play.
So there you have it guys! The 9 types of people you’ll usually find at the movies based on my personal experiences. If you know of any other categories that I didn’t mention or you’ve had similar/interesting experiences, kindly tell us about it in the comment boxes below. Have a fruitful week!